I’m sure you have heard of the lovely African proverb ‘it takes a village to raise a child’. The African culture recognises parenting as a shared responsibility, a communal affair.
I love this concept and I believe that you need a village in order to overcome your fears, to achieve your goals and most importantly to heal. When I first started my journey I thought I had a village but unfortunately I was wrong. Many of whom I valued and thought would be my biggest supporters were the least interested.
After being part of a group for many years the realisation that you never really held the position in the group you thought you did and that your only worth was ‘being the entertainment’ hurt deeply. Of course I now understand we don’t lose friends we just learn who the real ones are.
So I decided to create my own village
The people we spend our time with have an impact on our state of mind and our mood whether we realise it or not. I say you can catch negativity like you can catch a yawn. We become and will act like those we are close to so choose your village carefully.
Have you got a certain individual who always brings you down? Dampens your spirits and tells you that you can’t achieve your goals? Do they try to disguise this negativity by telling you they are looking out for you, they don’t want you to fail?
In my experience that person doesn’t want you to achieve your goal. They are probably more worried about what the change in you will mean for them rather than what it will mean for you. Let me tell you these people will not change, so you have to and you have to shut it down.
Blocking negativity is hard and, believe me, it will feel uncomfortable, but first you start by limiting your time with them, this way you will fully experience just how much they effect you. They will try and suck you back in but if you remain strong you will feel the improvement in your quality of life, and I can assure you, you will always limit the time you spend with them if you choose to at all.
On my darkest days, when the voices in my head are loud and angry, I turn to my village and they will help me through, some days without even knowing it. Don’t expect to build your village overnight it will take time. Some people will be in your village for a while and they may choose to leave, or you may decide they no longer belong. Whatever the reason take the learning whether it be positive of negative.
So in order to create your village you must find a coach/mentor, they are your ‘connector’ they will be connected to other positive people because positivity is attractive. Surround yourself with winners, those who have ambition and the same moral compass as you.
During dark days these people will be your saving grace
Join different groups so that you can meet new people. I am a member of a bootcamp, here I am surround by achievers, people who are striving for more, always wanting to better themselves. The majority of the people there I only see for an hour a week but they provide me with such encouragement in one hour that when I leave I feel great. These people are part of my village, you don’t have to live in someones pocket in order for them to have meaning in your life.
I now have a handful of friends who I socialise and confide in, there is no pressure on these relationships and I enjoy the time I spend with them immensely. These people add quality to my life not quantity.
The other way to build your village is read or listen to the people that inspire and motivate you. If you are reading a book or listening to a motivational speech you are in effect spending time with these people that makes them part of your village.
You will meet people along the way that you would really like to be part of your village but they may not always be ready to join you. Don’t write those people off, they just aren’t ready to take the same steps as you right now.
Offer that person kindness, it is said that the positive effects of kindness are experienced in the brain from those who gave kindness, those who received it and those who witnessed it. I recently received a random act of kindness it had such a positive effect on me, it felt euphoric.
Finally remeber people in your village are there to encourge and support you but you have to rely on yourself because only you can create your own fate. So when you feel like quitting or things don’t go as planned as they often will, your village will be there but ultimately you are the one the one that has to move forward.
Its up to you to commit to change
As always believe in you and em-brace the journey.
‘ Create a village, encourage one another and open your village to others’